A very smart and worldly, but God fearing woman by the name of Momma Michelle Small (the ONLY other woman I endearingly refer to as
'Momma' aside from my OWN), taught last Wednesday and she make an extremely poignant statement, that had resurfaced this morning as I attempted to pray, but just couldn’t find the words to say. I struggled quite a bit because I’m dealing with what I consider a multi-faceted storm: the surface level storm, the internal storm and the spiritual storm all at the same time. I know that needed to pray... I know I needed to look for a job... I know I needed to find an attorney... hell I know I NEEDED to do a lot of things! But my mind was so cluttered; thoughts were so cloudy that I could not seem to focus on the 1 thing that could bring order to all the other things. I started to think, "Man, I just had a breakthrough on Sunday and was refreshed, so I’m not on empty. I know WHO God is and WHO I AM, so I’m not alone. And I know what the word IS and what is does, so truthfully, I’m not lost". This is when I started to declare “SHALAILA YOU WILL NOT GO CRAZY, you’re not depressed, or not sad, and you’re not worried, regardless of what it looks like... now PRAY!" Yes, I’m a tough cookie so I have to talk to myself like that and God deals with me JUST LIKE THAT! It was in that moment that last Wednesday's words came to me... How in the world do people manage WITHOUT Jesus??!! smh I mean, like REALLY, not just from an I’m so saved stand point, or even a judgmental perspective. Just a realist standpoint; almost every day is a battle for me to not revert to the old me, now I can admit that it’s much easier now than it was say this time last year, but it’s still a challenge nevertheless... And my main and really ONLY reason for not doing what I know how to do so well is because of CHRIST, I want to please HIM, not make him want to spit me out and even detest me because I carry a foul scent of evil, rebellion and wickedness on me; I want to be a sweet aroma to my God, make him want to bless me because I am obedient and am walking in his image. Make him PROUD of me know that I am grateful to be called HIS... just that alone stirs something in me that makes me what to get right just by saying it! So how do people really make it through their seasons without him? I mean, yes, there are the "surface" level quick remedies: drugs, alcohol, sex, money... but then what about those who are dealing with the level 2 & 3 storms, how are they getting by? Or is it that's all they're doing, GETTING BY? This incited me to pray and pray hard and go deep within me to press, regardless of how I felt. At which point my prayers shifted from me and Level 1 to praying/declaring the word of God and interceding for others.
It was during that time that God didn’t answer my question, but he showed me what he wanted me to see: "it’s not a matter of how others can deal, the only fact that you need to know, is that YOU CANNOT DEAL, MANAGE OR EVEN MAKE IT, without me". And so, I guess when I look at the news, reality TV and the nutty people I have to interact with on a daily basis... their answer will come once they embrace who he REALLY is too.
Bible ref: James 4:10-12, Phil 4:6-7
