Jeremiah 29:13

REF: Jeremiah 29:13: “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be..."

Today.. this message did catch with my spirit. Lately I've been reading and not really knowing "WHY am I reading this?"... or you could call it going through the motions. I've been slipping.... not knowing to where, or what what slipping per se... but I know that things are... DIFFERENT. I've prayed in my spare time and asked God to fix me. To make me better. To show me. To OPEN my eyes. With each request feeling that much more empty and lacking... I'll be honest in saying that I have NO CLUE what is happening. But I do know that ironically, after all of that... all that asking.. all of that crying.. all of that thinking and thanking... The only words I heard was...PRAY.Yep... it's like having a cold, no a bad flu like symptom and being told that you need a few antibiotics, plus and this and that, oh and don't forget some of this!... Only to buy all of that stuff, then drink 1 cup of soothing hot tea (you know, that kind that Mom-Dukes can hook up) and feel at 1000% the next day! In the words of the legendary Alanis Morissette, "its 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife. And who woulda thought, it figures..."

So today, I recommit my faith, my gift, my heart, my PRAYER... my only true intimate time with him, back TO HIM. I don't know about you... but I cannot go long without quality time with him. So I leave this song, by my brother in Christ, Zacardi Cortez... today (and everyday) I need to have my 1 on 1 time with my daddy God.  

Same Day... Different shhh...

A very smart and worldly, but God fearing woman by the name of Momma Michelle Small (the ONLY other woman I endearingly refer to as

'Momma' aside from my OWN), taught last Wednesday and she make an extremely poignant statement, that had resurfaced this morning as I attempted to pray, but just couldn’t find the words to say. I struggled quite a bit because I’m dealing with what I consider a multi-faceted storm: the surface level storm, the internal storm and the spiritual storm all at the same time. I know that needed to pray... I know I needed to look for a job... I know I needed to find an attorney... hell I know I NEEDED to do a lot of things! But my mind was so cluttered; thoughts were so cloudy that I could not seem to focus on the 1 thing that could bring order to all the other things. I started to think, "Man, I just had a breakthrough on Sunday and was refreshed, so I’m not on empty. I know WHO God is and WHO I AM, so I’m not alone. And I know what the word IS and what is does, so truthfully, I’m not lost". This is when I started to declare “SHALAILA YOU WILL NOT GO CRAZY, you’re not depressed, or not sad, and you’re not worried, regardless of what it looks like... now PRAY!" Yes, I’m a tough cookie so I have to talk to myself like that and God deals with me JUST LIKE THAT! It was in that moment that last Wednesday's words came to me... How in the world do people manage WITHOUT Jesus??!!  smh I mean, like REALLY, not just from an I’m so saved stand point, or even a judgmental perspective. Just a realist standpoint; almost every day is a battle for me to not revert to the old me, now I can admit that it’s much easier now than it was say this time last year, but it’s still a challenge nevertheless... And my main and really ONLY reason for not doing what I know how to do so well is because of CHRIST, I want to please HIM, not make him want to spit me out and even detest me because I carry a foul scent of evil, rebellion and wickedness on me; I want to be a sweet aroma to my God, make him want to bless me because I am obedient and am walking in his image. Make him PROUD of me know that I am grateful to be called HIS... just that alone stirs something in me that makes me what to get right just by saying it! So how do people really make it through their seasons without him? I mean, yes, there are the "surface" level quick remedies: drugs, alcohol, sex, money... but then what about those who are dealing with the level 2 & 3 storms, how are they getting by? Or is it that's all they're doing, GETTING BY? This incited me to pray and pray hard and go deep within me to press, regardless of how I felt. At which point my prayers shifted from me and Level 1 to praying/declaring the word of God and interceding for others.

It was during that time that God didn’t answer my question, but he showed me what he wanted me to see: "it’s not a matter of how others can deal, the only fact that you need to know, is that YOU CANNOT DEAL, MANAGE OR EVEN MAKE IT, without me". And so, I guess when I look at the news, reality TV and the nutty people I have to interact with on a daily basis... their answer will come once they embrace who he REALLY is too.

Bible ref: James 4:10-12, Phil 4:6-7

For more on this wonderful woman (Momma) Michelle Small visit her page: http://www.courageousmi.com/

Frustrated? There's Another Outlet...

With today's economy and the growing unemployment rate, its no wonder people are resorting to the most extreme feeble attempts to survive and provide for their families. I know first hand, what it's like to go without... have to struggle... cry and pick yourself up to start all over again. Even now, with GA having a 10.2% unemployment rate compared to the US national rate of 9.7%, I sometimes find myself being frustrated, and even angry at my employment status, considering I graduated with a good GPA from a pretty renown Liberal Arts Film school. And sometimes that energy is passed off in my day-to-day interactions with my partner and others who love me. So recently I started back reading my bible and having, 1 on 1 time with GOD. I notice in the Bible, Psalms 23, it talks about the Lord being our Shepherd and how we shall not want- no its not saying the we would never WANT for anything, but that the Lord is our supplier (a.k.a. our Shepherd) and we are his sheep. If you know anything about sheep, then you know that they are VERY timid, meek & indecisive, therefore they NEED a sheep herder (or Shepherd) to navigate/direct them. The scripture goes on to say how "HE (the Lord) makes us to lie down in green pastures and restores our soul..." The green pasture" it's referring to are the times of peacefulness and tranquility. Often times our souls are ravaged & used up from the day-to-day burdens of life, and so it is important that we find quiet time, or rest time for ourselves and for God... to "restore" us for the next day, or thing, or triumph, or obstacle we must overcome. So the 'green pastures' are our peacemakers, for example: reading a book, going to the park, taking a walk, singing, taking a bath or whatever. For some, they allow their peacemaker to be a vice: cigarettes, drinking, weed, pills, abuse, sex, porn, etc... Although truth be told, God wants us to make HIM as our only source we turn to for any kind of peace. So I offer this tid bit to whoever reads this... Next time you have a minute, read Psalms 23 (the Lord's Prayer) and then ask GOD to help you lie down in green pastures (give you peace... of mind... in your home, job, or school... with your friends/ family... with your enemies. Then BELIEVE and THANK him for it everyday (even when you don't see it cuz thats what FAITH is), and watch and see him give you peace when the storm is raging.... Be Blessed...  #getfreetoday