The Eye of the Storm...

This article was originally written September 26, 2013... I know its slightly dated, but the gist of the post is STILL very relevant so I edit it and re-post... Enjoy...

the EYE of the Storm

During this season, God has increased the sensitivity of my spiritual eye and opened my mind so that my perception has become that of a rear view mirror, just opposite ; meaning only with the natural eye does things appear bigger than they are. I was in the biggest state of questioning, with my eyes closed, "WHY ME?" "WHY THIS?" "Can't I have ANOTHER KIND OF STORM?" "I DONT DESERVE THIS!"... Trying my best to pull away and give up. In fact I had set my mind to quit, but an internal vision wouldn’t let me. It wasn’t until I got sick and tied (the more exhausted version of TIRED) of fighting... against the prophetic, against why he was drawing me nearer, against WHY I was in this storm in the FIRST PLACE...

that he allowed me to actually SEE. I mean REALLY SEE, like looking at 1 of those mind exercise puzzles where your eyes see the obvious, but your brain sees and is able to de-fragment the hidden puzzle within the puzzle. In a recent sermon, my pastor, Bishop J.C. Williams, confirmed this when he gave the analogy of using mathematical functions in high school, where one is given the answer, but the resolve is in finding the problem (aka working backwards). It was during this time that God revealed to me all the times when he'd given me the answer, and told me, "now, work backwards...”

So here I am.... in the what feels like the EYE of my Storm, being tested, tried & proven with confidence to know that I know, that I know WHO and WHO'S I am, and the BIGGER picture has become so much more evident... THIS STORM was ultimately never really about me... Ha! I laugh now because my pride has taken the biggest blow. THIS STORM was for the hundreds of other people, many of whom I will never meet, that will encounter this exact same issue with the same limited, if not fewer, resources. THIS STORM was not for me to say how good or fun or safe God is; though he is all those things! No, THIS STORM was for me to show how much more than a provider but a keeper and how more than rock but a cornerstone, and how truly smart and calculated God is! And how he'll blind you (if you let him), and exchange your strength, your vision, your will for HIS, right when you appear to be in the eye of the storm; so for THIS STORM, I am most grateful...  #Selah #getfreetoday

Same Day... Different shhh...

A very smart and worldly, but God fearing woman by the name of Momma Michelle Small (the ONLY other woman I endearingly refer to as

'Momma' aside from my OWN), taught last Wednesday and she make an extremely poignant statement, that had resurfaced this morning as I attempted to pray, but just couldn’t find the words to say. I struggled quite a bit because I’m dealing with what I consider a multi-faceted storm: the surface level storm, the internal storm and the spiritual storm all at the same time. I know that needed to pray... I know I needed to look for a job... I know I needed to find an attorney... hell I know I NEEDED to do a lot of things! But my mind was so cluttered; thoughts were so cloudy that I could not seem to focus on the 1 thing that could bring order to all the other things. I started to think, "Man, I just had a breakthrough on Sunday and was refreshed, so I’m not on empty. I know WHO God is and WHO I AM, so I’m not alone. And I know what the word IS and what is does, so truthfully, I’m not lost". This is when I started to declare “SHALAILA YOU WILL NOT GO CRAZY, you’re not depressed, or not sad, and you’re not worried, regardless of what it looks like... now PRAY!" Yes, I’m a tough cookie so I have to talk to myself like that and God deals with me JUST LIKE THAT! It was in that moment that last Wednesday's words came to me... How in the world do people manage WITHOUT Jesus??!!  smh I mean, like REALLY, not just from an I’m so saved stand point, or even a judgmental perspective. Just a realist standpoint; almost every day is a battle for me to not revert to the old me, now I can admit that it’s much easier now than it was say this time last year, but it’s still a challenge nevertheless... And my main and really ONLY reason for not doing what I know how to do so well is because of CHRIST, I want to please HIM, not make him want to spit me out and even detest me because I carry a foul scent of evil, rebellion and wickedness on me; I want to be a sweet aroma to my God, make him want to bless me because I am obedient and am walking in his image. Make him PROUD of me know that I am grateful to be called HIS... just that alone stirs something in me that makes me what to get right just by saying it! So how do people really make it through their seasons without him? I mean, yes, there are the "surface" level quick remedies: drugs, alcohol, sex, money... but then what about those who are dealing with the level 2 & 3 storms, how are they getting by? Or is it that's all they're doing, GETTING BY? This incited me to pray and pray hard and go deep within me to press, regardless of how I felt. At which point my prayers shifted from me and Level 1 to praying/declaring the word of God and interceding for others.

It was during that time that God didn’t answer my question, but he showed me what he wanted me to see: "it’s not a matter of how others can deal, the only fact that you need to know, is that YOU CANNOT DEAL, MANAGE OR EVEN MAKE IT, without me". And so, I guess when I look at the news, reality TV and the nutty people I have to interact with on a daily basis... their answer will come once they embrace who he REALLY is too.

Bible ref: James 4:10-12, Phil 4:6-7

For more on this wonderful woman (Momma) Michelle Small visit her page: http://www.courageousmi.com/

Redeemed Sheep...

In the passage below, what stuck out to me so much were the lines "suffered in silence"? This actually reminded me of the word I've been hearing this week during my church's Prayer Revival where, in Matt 26:36-44, those same lines applied to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I thank God for allowing me to see how in verse 44, Jesus turned his suffering into his assignment. Coming off an 8-day Consecration Fast, these scriptures really blessed me... I hope it does the same for you...

1 Peter 2:21-25 MSG: "This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step. He never did one thing wrong, Not once said anything amiss. They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls."